Teaching Problem-Solving Skills              

Problem solving is a key component to building a child's self esteem.  People with a strong self-esteem feel capable and competent to deal with whatever comes their way.  In life, there will always be problems and struggles.  Therefore, having good problem-solving skills is an essential part to feeling confident and good about oneself.  However, most parents find that it is very difficult to watch their child struggle.  The temptation is to try and solve our child's problems for them or to try to prevent any painful or frustrating experiences from happening.  Parents worry that a tough teacher, poor grades or bad experiences will lower their child's self-esteem.  Parents often miss important opportunities to help raise their child's self esteem by rescuing them from problems in the name of love.  When parents do this, they are robbing their children of the opportunity to learn how to solve their own problems.  Sadly, these parents are not preparing their children to have the skills to succeed in the real world in which life has its ups and downs.

In order to teach problem solving skills, parents must refrain from solving their children's problems.  The problem solving process begins with active listening.  When your child has had sufficient time to vent, guide them through the problem solving process by first connecting with your child using empathy.  "Wow, I know that must have been hard for you to share that."  Then place the problem back in your child's lap.  "So, what do you think you are going to do about that"?  If your child is having difficulty coming up with answers, help guide them to find out what their choices are.  If your child can't think of any options, ask them if they want to hear what some other kids have tried.  Once they have looked at some choices, help them explore the pros and cons of their choices.  Although it may be quicker and easier, telling your kids what to do does not help them learn how to solve their problems.  Many kids will reject your advice anyway.  When kids can solve their own problems, they gain a tremendous amount of self-esteem.  They gain the confidence and knowledge that they can solve whatever problem they may face.